STD’s

The stress in my life melted away yesterday when my OB's nurse called me to inform me that I did not have gonorrhea. Phew. Thank goodness. That was keeping me up at night. When it comes to my list of stressors, "Fear of STD's" is at the very top, above "In 5 months the children will outnumber the adults in my household" and "Holy crap what is my stomach going to look like after this?" I guess I should be thankful for the small things, right?

Speaking of STD's, I read today on CNN.com that Holly Madison and Hugh Hefner are splitting. This upsets me a great deal. What will poor Hugh do without his beloved Puffin? Word on the street is he's got a set of 19-year-old twins chomping at the bit to take her place. If this relationship comes to fruition, Hef's new gal pals will be 63 years his junior. My question is this: what do their parents think? I would be mortified. That gives me two primary goals for my daughter(s):

1. Keep them off of the pole (thank you Chris Rock)
2. Keep them out of Hugh Hefner's bed.

Sure, I'd also like them to be happy, well-adjusted, successful women but I'm thinking right now in terms of concrete objectives and these, my friends, are two of them.

Comments

[papadale]

I think back on the bright turquoise paint in the kitchen when you were carrying Truman, and it reminds me that these hormonal mood swings are really not all that uncommon, and, probably will pass with time. We were really sweating the SDT test results up here too!! Just remember that Hugh will be pushing 100 before you need to be concerned about the well being of the girls. My guess is the twins will have him bled dry by then, so the only worry you really have is the pole thing.

[Leanne]

I can't honestly tell you that I've EVER considered either of these things as goals for either of my daughters but I have to agree they are things I would wish for as well.

Thanks for the smile.

[suburbancorrespondent]

Talk about lowering the bar!

[Bethany]

Well SHE kept talking dream wedding and HE kept looking like a deer in the headlights! It was doomed from the start...
But who gets custody of all those animals??

[Becky]

by the time your girls are old enough to go visit Hugh, I think they will be wiping drool from his chin and changing his Depends - - yet no doubt he will never suffer a shortage of young female companionship

[Angie]

Something tells me that the worst you'll have to worry about is the girls visiting Hugh's gravesite. And congrats on no STD's! Woo hoo!

[New Diva]

I couldn't agree more!